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Forgiveness is my purpose in life. It is what I do. Anytime I feel anything less than joy about whatever circumstances pop up, I know that I have before me another chance to forgive. It is through forgiveness that I am healed. If I have held onto a grievance, then that grievance has had time to play itself out through my body, and so when I forgive, I give my body a chance to heal. Holding a grievance affects my mind. It holds me prisoner to raging emotions- anger, fear, built, vengeance, despair. Forgiveness frees me an dallows me to experience joy again. Retroactive forgiveness is the idea that we can forgive today what has happened in the past and so be free of its effects. I have wasted a lot of time on regrets. I am sorry for things I have said and done in the past. I am burdened with grudges I hold against people for things they have done in the past. I want to clean up all of this detritus. I have been keeping these grievances imprisoned in the dark cellar of my mind, bringing them up from time to time to reexamine; to revel in righteous anger, or to wallow awhile in guilty regrets. Now I am ready to "clean up my act," as folks say. Even the oldest unforgiving thought still affects my life, and so I want to be free of it. There is a most powerful passage from A Course in Miracles: The holiest of all the spots on earth is where an ancient hatred has become a present love. (T.26.IX.6.1) Forgiveness will dot his for me. It will free my mind. It will create in my life the holiest of spots. Forgiveness works just as well on past regrets as it does on what is happening in my life today. It is never too late to forgive. It doesn't matter how ancient the grievance. Nor does it matter at all how big or how small the unforgiveness. Each is just as destructive to my peace of mind. If I hold a grudge because my ex-husband said an unkind word to me, I have lost my peace. If I am angry because I think that someone has ruined my life, I have lost my peace. Either way, I have lost my peace. To start the forgiveness process I must first understand what true forgiveness is. Most commonly we look at forgiveness as a mercy we bestow on someone who doesn't deserve it. We say to ourselves that this person did something wrong, they don't deserve my forgiveness because they truly wronged me, but I am a big person so I will go ahead and forgive them. It feels like I am sacrificing my own best interests so that this person can be forgiven. For example, about 30 years ago I worked for a doctor. He was a real horror to work for and eventually he just got to be too much. He was angry at me for quitting and held it against me. While I did not like working for him, I did love working in a doctor's office. I loved helping people, and I was good at it. When I applied for a similar job in another city, the doctor gave me a bad reference. I had done such a good job fo rhim, and even after I quit, I came back on my own time and helped his new employee learn her job. I did not deserve the reference he gave me. Because of the bad reference, I did not get the job I applied for, and never tried for another job with a doctor. Conventional wisdom holds that to forgive him fo rhte bad reference would mean that I first I recognize that he wronged me, and then I decide that, being the better person, I will let him of the hook for what he did. What happened is that I found I was not that good of a person. I resented what he said. He embarrassed me. He also kept me from a kind of job that I would have enjoyed and been good at. Every time I thought about him, I would feel a surge of anger. From time to time, I would bring out this old grievance so I could experience my righteous anger all over again. It sounds funny to say that I got something out of this and that I somehow enjoyed my anger, but I must have because I kept doing it. For thirty years! Whatever little satisfactions I get from replaying in my mind my little drama with the doctor does not come without a cost. I can have my grievance, or I can have peace. I cannot have both. We tell ourselves that we can compartmentalize our anger but this isn't true. Anger at anything is going to spill over onto you. You say something to me and I snap at you. Later we are both left wondering what happened. I have chosen for peace often enough now that I want peace all the time. I really miss my peace when I choose against it, so I want to truly forgive the doctor. I am no longer willing to give him my peace in exchange for anger no mater how righteous I think it is. Can I forgive him at this late date, I wondered? I doubt he is even alive now. But here's the thing, it doesn't matter when I forgive. It doesn't matter if he is in his body to accept my forgiveness. Let's face it; he isn't interested in my forgiveness. I am not forgiving him because he needs my forgiveness. In fact he lived on blissfully unaware that I harbored a grudge against him. In truth, it is only I that am prisoner to my grievances. Do I believe that he walked around burdened with this heavy guilt about how he wronged me? It is only I who struggle through life under the burden of my perceived grievances. I am not choosing forgiveness for his sake, but only for myself. There are some things in life that seem so hard to forgive when we look at forgiveness in the way I just described. Well, no problem is so big that it can't be solved by a good miracle, and what is more miraculous than a change of mind? So, how do I change my mind? Before I pull anything up from the dark places in my mind to really look at it, I ask the Holy Spirit to look with me. The Holy Spirit brings light to my mind and that light shines away the darkness. If I try to look on my own, I only see what I remembered storing there. Nothing changes. I see his error, and my anger. I didn't get vengeance in the moment and so I seek for it in my imagination. This is all I see. With the light the Holy Spirit brings, I am able to see this differently. Here is what the Holy Spirit showed me when we looked together. He showed me that the doctor didn't really hurt me. He spoke some words. They were not true. That really happened, and it would be silly and ineffective to try to say it didn't. But what he said is not what caused me pain. It is how I felt about what he said that was the problem. There was something in his owrds that brought up for me a feeling of unworthiness. There was a part of me that believed I was guilty, if not of this, then of something. I didn't want to feel guilty and unworthy, and I didn't want to look at those feelings, so I projected them onto the doctor. There, now he is the guilty one. He is to blame for this bad feeling in me. The problem is, as long as I think he is responsible for my feelings, I have given him all the control. He can keep me feeling bad about myself for 30 years. Forgiveness shows me that he is not guilty. He is not to blame for my feelings. Through the process of forgiveness, I am able to take complete responsibility for my feelings. I also thought that the doctor robbed me of my future. I wanted to be part of a healing palce and his bad reference kept me from doing this. The Holy Spirit also toldme that I wound up exactly where I need to be. I thought that the doctor prevented me from experiencing my destiny, but the Holy Spirit said that he put me on the road to my destiny, and that I owed him only thanks as I owe only thanks to all my brothers, without exception. Through the process of forgiveness, I am able to give the belief system that supports unworthiness to the Holy Spirit for correction. Through the process of forgiveness, I am healed. I did not do the healing myself. All healing is of God. My part was to be willing to accept the gift of healing, and forgiveness was the way I did it. I traded my righteous anger for the peace of God. It was a good deal. I don't miss that drama at all. True forgiveness happens as I become willing to see this differently. I become willing to see that I chose to feel anger at his words and actions. I accept full responsibility for my own feelings and I stop trying to make them someone else's fault. The process of forgiveness forgives not the person or his actions, but rather it sees that it is only my perception of what happened that needs to be changed. In the old way of perceiving forgivness, I was making what the doctor did real, and then was trying to forgive it. It didn't work. Through the miracle of true forgiveness, I recognize that he didn't do anything to me, and I am forgiving the thought that he did by seeing the situation differently. Forgiveness is all inclusive. In order to experience the peace of God, I forgive everyone for whatever I thought they did to me. I make no exceptions. That is its beauty, I don't have to take each instance and decide which is deserving of forgivenss. I don't have to figure anything out. I love the absolutes, the "nevers" and the "always." They take the guess work out of it. I already know that I want to forgive, whatever the circumstances. I only need to bring God into the process and it is done. So what I have learened about forgiveness is this: 1. Forgiveness is retroactive. It doesn't matter how old the perceived wrong, it can be forgiven in the present moment. 2. Forgiveness is the way to peace. It is all inclusive and no one or thing gets left out. There is no place in my life where I will say everything else gets forgiven, but this one grievance I am holding onto. 3. Forgiveness is not about anyone else. It is about changing my own mind with the recognition that I alone am responsible for my feelings. I am always free to change my mind about how I feel about my grievances. I am always willing, with the Holy Spirit's help, to see this differently. 4. And most important of all, I am not alone in this process. I give to it my willingness, and God does the rest. When I fail to accept forgiveness and have to repeat the process, I forgive myself and just get on with it. I do the process as often as I must in order to fully accept forgiveness. 5. And finally, as forgiveness becomes my goal, and the way I live, I live in peace. Rev. Myron Jones is a Pathways of Light minister living in Lake Charles, Louisiana. Email: revmyron@hotmail.com |
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The 2005 ACIM International Conference, held in April in Salt Lake City, attracted teachers and students from all over the world. They came together to celebrate the 30th anniversary of the scribing of A Course in Miracles and to pay tribute to the Course itself. There was sharing in music, song, comedy, teaching lectures, questions and answers, guided meditations, interactive experiential activities and heartfelt stories of healing. It truly was a wonderful gathering. The most powerful part of the conference, for me, was the all-inclusiveness of it. All points of view about the Course were given full expression. Currently, teachings and visions of the Course's words and meanings are in the process of developing. Although all are sincerely held, they are not all in total agreement. Like any complex and brilliant work of art, many levels and themes are present to inspire understanding. Accessing the timeless is explained in words - how else would we read about it! Naturally, there are many theories of meaning and suggestions as to how to read, study and practice the Course's concepts evolving now. There is a growing and wide-ranging diversity of opinions, interpretations and methods of teaching. Some might question how we can even come to this state of affairs since the Course teaches oneness, or whether presenting varied opinions is proper. Discussion of the Course is always proper and to be encouraged. For me, it was a powerful experience to have so many teachers sharing their experiences and insights in many different ways. Respectful sharing and listening were modeled continuously. It was a delight to experience this, having been present at other types of supposedly spiritual gatherings where the focus was on controversy, exclusion and negative comparisons. Everyone at the conference shared thier thoughts and experiences freely and honestly. The focus, both collectively and individually, was always a spirit of gratitude that the Course was offered to us and scribed for us, and that it is now studied around the world. The focus was on harmony and respect, where we agree rather than where we disagree, and overall, what we are grateful for rather than where we may be doubtful. The conference, in short, offered something insightful and healing for everyone who attended. It was a grand opportunity to hear and learn from many of the most respected teachers of the Coruse. Because it was all-inclusive, we were one. No one was excluded from offering what they have learned. It was a powerful example of the Course at work in the world. Healing can only be found in respectful and loving sharing, and that was present in abundance at this conference. I feel confident that future conferences will continue this path - offering all visions and viewpoints full expression, all teachers of the Course invited with the freedom to teach as they receive teaching from the One Teacher. If we cannot always understand why that may seem different in form, we can still affirm that everyone must follow holy Spirit's Voice as they hear it, everyone hears His Voice. Let the harmony of Holy Spirit always be invited first and foremost as we go forward to the 2007 conference in San Francisco and others. The 2005 conference modeled the way. Rev. Barbara Kraetsch is a Pathways of Light minister living in Hartford, Wisconsin. Email: kraetsch@execpc.com |
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From a very early age, I spent a great deal of time “living” in my own mind. What I would perceive as the “horrors” of my childhood left me feeling very alone and most of my time in fear of something. It was at the age of about 12 that I remember thinking to myself while I was alone in my bedroom that no god would ever allow the things to happen to a child that I had endured. It was at that moment that I consciously separated from God. It was also at that moment when I felt like I had no home anywhere in the world. Life went on and I somehow survived my growing up years to the point where I moved into my first apartment at the age of 17. But with the freedom of independent living came many ego illusions of who I thought I had to be to survive in the world. I had made several botched attempts at suicide and then hit the road of workaholic behavior, alcoholism, drug abuse and detached sex. This road continued until a near fatal accident in 1980 woke me up. I didn’t realize it then, but everything had come into play perfectly for my waking up. I voluntarily found a great therapist who introduced me to the book, When I say No, I Feel Guilty and I found my first tool to release myself from guilt tapes that the ego played very loudly in my head. But that felt like the very first step and there was much farther for me to go. Over the years, I became a student of life or, more importantly, Spirit. Even as a young adult, I desperately wanted to learn as much as I could about love. So the search continued until one day in 1982, while listening to an audiotape by Wayne Dyer, I heard him mention the book, A Course in Miracles. This began the journey home for me. I began reading everything I could find on ACIM. It was if someone opened the blinds on my bedroom windows to let the light in. I became a student of ACIM and began my journey to understand what it meant to love those around the best I could. I worked with an excellent therapist for 20 years who helped me oust all the ego illusions of my self-imposed demons. I was able to quit smoking, drinking, abusing drugs and indulging in meaningless sex. I know one of my catalysts for growth was becoming involved with a wonderful partner who had a child. At the time, I didn’t think I wanted any children and more importantly, I was afraid of what a terrible parent I would be. But Holy Spirit, once again, aligned me with the perfect circumstances for my perfect continued growth. As life unfolded, I found myself loving this young child with such depth that I wanted to be a better person. I faced my inadequacies and formed a strong bond with my daughter. I now have a granddaughter, son in law and the love continues to grow. The secret was that all I had to do was love her. All those “things” I thought I had to do were projections in my head. It would appear that over the course of my lifetime, I feel that I have lived several segmented lifetimes. Those past horrors no longer feel like horrors, only lessons that strengthened me along the way. And all those years that I was ego driven to do destructive things to myself only brought me depression and suffering. Once I aligned myself back with Holy Spirit, everything began to turn around. In closing, I would like to share how the latest choices in my life to honor Holy Spirit’s guidance have continued to take me to the next step. In May of 2005, I graduated from Pathways of Light ministerial program and became an ordained minister. If ever I felt anything was right for me, it has been this journey with Pathways of Light. From the moment I contacted them and began the courses to meeting my fabulous life and love honoring teacher, Ruby, to the very moment my car pulled onto the property, it has all been a journey about love. For those who have never experienced being at Pathways, try to imagine a Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner with your family, where the only thing being served is unconditional love. No one is fighting, no one needs to be right, everyone sees the light in you and everyone is a reflection of your own light back to you. I felt as though I had spent many years in the cold and the love that was freely given and expressed at Pathways was a warm comforter that enveloped me. Holy Spirit lives there, as He lives everywhere, but His presence is acknowledged and honored at Pathways. So to Rev. Deb, Rev. Paul, Rev. Happy Woman, Rev. Ruby, Rev. Myron, Rev. Bumpity Bob, Rev. Kathy, Rev. Robert M, Rev. Linda L, Rev. Linda W, Rev. Donna-Marie, Rev. Betty, Rev. Cheryl, Rev. Loretta and of course, Revs. Robert and Mary Stoelting, thank you for having been a part of my experience at Pathways, for following Holy Spirit’s guidance and just being pure love. I may live a long distance away from you all in miles, but we are never apart. My home is anywhere I am because I am never alone, God is always with me. Here’s to the ONE of us! Rev. Anita Ottley is a Pathways of Light minister who lives in Newark, New York. Email: aottley@bluefrog.com |
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The following message came to me. I would like to share it with you because we are one and have the same purpose. You have a gift to give. Your gift is an important part of the awakening of the Sonship. All My extensions have a gift to give. They may appear to be different in form and yet they are all the same in essence. The greatest gift comes from a peaceful mind and a happy heart — a mind that, with the help of the Holy Spirit, has no conditions on peace, no conditions on happiness. Do not make an assessment as to what you think you have learned in this world to determine your gift. Your gift is being the Love that you are in a way that makes your heart sing. Many times your gift looks like something you’ve always wanted to do. It has whispered softly to you throughout your life from a deep place in your heart. Many times in disbelief you have said, “That couldn’t be for me to do!” and by doing this you have discounted your own gift, judged yourself unworthy or not skilled enough. Who do you think put the idea in your heart? It was Me. I put it there because I know you. I know you are My Light. And in the Light that you are, there is great willingness. You have the idea and everything you need to bring forth your gift. You do not do this alone, for I am with you. I will help you to bring your beautiful gift in a way that will be perfect. Open to me. I do the work. You need do nothing. Think of yourself as a keyboard. I play upon the keys of your peace, your patience, your joy and the Love that you are — beautiful, harmonic notes of a universal chorus. Your heart song moves out on the sea of oneness with gentle calming ripples and sends a message of encouragement and invitation to all. Come share your gift! Let go of all doubt and fear, for this would only get in the way of being aware of My Presence, and your joy of experiencing My working through you. I want to use you My child. You are My instrument. Let Me play you. Let Me sing you. Let Me dance you Home. Rev. Christine Anderson is a Pathways of Light minister who lives in Chicago, Illinois. |
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Forgiveness - It's More Than I Thought Last night while resting from a busy day of being lead by Spirit, I was tired, sore, open and willing. I had done quite a bit of physical labor moving trees that had blown down on the farm that were in the path of gardens and buildings. Earlier that morning I had stated and written down what I wanted to become of this day: Rebirth of my true Self, full presence in my being of the One Christ Mind — one with all; peace, serenity, acceptance and playfulness; forgiveness of the past thoughts that are not true; shining with Love. The world is bright with Love. After meditation I proceeded to make a list of things that needed my attention. The list grew and felt complete for the day. As I approached each project with an open mind to Spirit, I consistently discovered areas that “bumped” out and were untrue to my true Self. Applying forgiveness to these errant thoughts gave me a peaceful perspective most naturally and with no effort. I saw the value of doing one thing at a time completely with total service in each thought and resulting action. Without effort I was observing the rebirth of my true Self. The list was whittled down to the remaining outside work with ease (Peace, Serenity, Acceptance and Playfulness). Taking a mental break, I went outside with an open mind to Spirit. I got the equipment gathered — tractor, chains, ropes. All was done step-by-step, with meaningless thoughts bumping through, to which I applied forgiveness and peace was extended. I felt guided where to place the chain on the limb, when to lift the tractor bucket, what speed to drive the tractor, what force to apply to each tree or large limb. I made no decisions on my own. All trees were moved and stacked in the cutting pile as smooth as silk. I took breaks with water and love was shining in the world (the temp was 90). Each thought and action was guided by Spirit. In rechecking my day as I had intended it to become, I found it exactly as I had requested. Spirit guided and I allowed it to happen. As I approached the mowing chore Spirit said, “Go to town.” I had not planned this. I guess I had one errand to run so I could do it now. I went with guidance and got groceries, went to the post office and farm store for a tool. I took many deep breaths and stepped back to see with my inner vision. I saw peace in faces I would normally pass by. People shared water with me out of kindness in the hot day. The day was reborn; I was refreshed. As I arrived back at the farm I got the lawn mower tractor ready — checked the oil, coolant and blades. This is an old tractor that is a dream, requiring TLC or it will turn into a nightmare. I know this is true in all happy dreams — tender-loving-care. I mowed various green sections of the farm property and saw the Zen garden coming out of the path that I was traveling with the mower. The mower was the rake in the simple Zen garden. After a few hours the mowing and trimming were done. A beauty and order not seen to be outstanding, but felt from within to be in order with God. Love was shining. After a late night supper I rechecked my list. I had things not completed that could be moved to tomorrow but one stuck out. Clarify direction of my ministry. This “to do” I have been hovering around for the last six months. Each time I went to this part of my life ( where I was truly baffled), I was distinctively guided to do the work in front of me and more will be revealed. In my meditations I saw how this was an unfolding of remembrances, not a placing of new concepts to apply to fix the old. I truly felt connected to my own Inner Wisdom. I was not in charge of direction. I surrendered control to the Love within me, Holy Spirit. I have done this often over many years and know it works in mystical ways. But to be honest I sometimes feel if I ever shared this with business associates and relatives that it would seem to them to be irresponsible, wimpy, copping out, no guts and maybe just nuts. Ego rides again. Now after many years of surrendering again and again and yet again, I feel it’s part of me, part of my healing my mind with the Source of Love within me. I now believe it is the most responsible thing to do, not to preach, but to do. The result is the gentle awakening to the great simple truth — God Is. No words or symbols can define this. Here I am, seeking direction for my ministry and I have clues but no “plan” to make it happen. With Spirit I decided to take it to “J.” First off I prefer the letter “J” as spoken by others. I found I had a Jesus in my mind that was not real. I had absorbed the prescribed notion that Jesus was up there, beyond me, probably ashamed of me, and I would have to be dead to maybe meet his ghostness. Well, after opening my mind and leaving judgment behind, I discovered the barriers I imposed on my own Essence, and “J” was the one lovingly helping me as my brother, Son of God. Closer than my breath, always giving all to all. Simple and true. Having developing trust in full bloom, I proceeded to hand it over to “J.” In this work I have come to realize expectations can be a subtle form of my agenda getting in the way. Without realizing it, I had expectations of a great master plan and revelation laying out my ministry. Well, when I handed it over to “J,” I got nothing, zip, nada. I felt loved and cared for but got no response, just a blank. I said, “Great, it will come later.” As I ended my day, I thanked Holy Spirit for the guidance and support in healing my mind. I added that again I hand over my direction for my ministry to “J.” I added that I do want it clear and unmistakable — thank you. I awoke to Brenda’s alarm clock of nature sounds and frogs croaking. I was aware of one clear thought throughout the night in all it’s fullness — FORGIVENESS. My ministry is all about forgiveness. One word, loud and clear, wall to wall in my mind. This one word helped me remember why we are here: To heal our minds with Spirit leading the way. What we are to do here: Allow Holy Spirit to show us our One Self and play our part in the great awakening of the truth and, finding peace and joy in our hearts, extend it to the rest of our One Self. With this in mind I truly see what is to become of my ministry. I see that the way will be provided in my own gentle awakening together with you. Rev. Robert Mills is a Pathways of Light minister who lives in Burt, Iowa. Email: robertatfarm@netins.net |
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